Winter Dinner Sketch

I am crushing coriander seeds with the back of a Henckels hand-me-down pairing knife inside a ceramic shot glass that says Puerto Rico and drinking a glass of Chilean Sauvignon Blanc while Mstislave Ropovich plays Bach’s Cello Suite Sarabande in the background. There’s been a self-imposed lull in my cooking, so far I’ve sautéed sliced brussel sprouts in cider vinegar and added to them chestnuts toasted in maple syrup. The oven is done roasting cubes of butternut squash and a solitary parsnip, which the grocery lady mistook for a turnip. The squash I’ve pureed with a little plain yogurt and milk. I think that’s where the coriander is going but I can’t quite tell yet. I am unemployed.

Mose Allison’s “ever since the world ended” comes on. “Things that used to seem so splendid, don’t really matter today. It’s just as well the world ended, it wasn’t working any way.” Then suddenly, the player skips to Jorge Luis Borges. He recounts Zhuang Zhou: A man dreamt that he was a butterfly and upon waking up, he didn’t know whether he was a man dreaming of a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he was a man.

Unhappily, the future is made of tricks, Borges continues. I think about the past. Now Cheikh Lo sounds through the Carvin. I fire up the broiler and smear two fillets of flounder with lemon zest and mustard oil. I season two fat scallops with sea salt and fresh pepper. I light a flame under my mini cast-iron, wait for it to heat up, and then throw diced shallots on to sauté. The scallops will go on barely two minutes a side and the flounder will take four minutes in the broiler. Cheikh Lo burns Bambay Gueej. I do not burn the scallops.

Piling a mound of brussel sprouts on one plate and coating another with a swatch of curried butternut puree, I feel relaxed. The flounder, just beginning to flake, slides on top of the shredded greens, parsley and Dijon echoing the sprouts. I place a scallop in the eye of the butternut and radiate parsnips from the center.

I try not to get discouraged about winter. The roasted parsnips are a delight, their rootedness like aftershave, masculine but sweet. The lemon and mustard glaze brings the flounder out, daring the unassuming fish to feign grandeur. Bonnie “Prince” Billy sings ‘I see a darkness’. And I can’t help but feel the meal is confused. Every element of dinner is wonderful, but the seared scallop is feeling out of place in the curried butternut yogurt. The brussel sprouts want boar roasted in the Black Forest. Still I am content. I’m not disillusioned but I’m getting there.

HOT PETA and the Banned Superbowl Commercial

Check out this pro-veggie commercial from PETA that was supposed to shown during the Superbowl.


'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

Unfortunately, NBC has banned the commercial because it "depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards." Specifically, they took issue with:

• licking pumpkin


• touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli


• pumpkin from behind between legs


• rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin


• screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)


• asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina


• licking eggplant


• rubbing asparagus on breast

These are serious concerns. Who knew that PETA was a such a perverse anti-animal abuse organization? I guess they are following the old maxim, sex sells. But what are they selling exactly? Vegetarianism? I don't see this commercial as a convincing argument for denouncing meat. But PETA is still pushing it here.

Another big campaign for PETA is trying to get Michael Vick to get an MRI brain-scan in order to look for evidence of clinical psychopathy or anti-social personality disorder. What?!

Cadberry goes low-brow/high-brow

Cadberry is good, very good. Does this commercial make me want to eat chocolate? I don't think so. But it makes me respect Cadberry's taste and perhaps that's exactly what they want: for me to respect their taste so I will then taste their respect(tive product).

Eat Your Heart Out David Lynch

What's David Lynch's opinion of the America food staple Hooter's? I don't know, but I'd imagine that he'd despise the Hooter's rip-off, Twin Peaks. Instead of an homage to bizarre midget dreams and beloved Special Agent Dale Cooper, the chain is nothing more than a breastaurant concept, complete with ladies in skimpy plaid.

If it's your birthday, you can grab the giant fish phallus and take a picture with the busty waitresses. I think Twin Peaks owner, Randy Dewitt, describes the restaurant's appeal best, "It’s a guy’s world. You can’t get it at home; you can’t get it at your workplace anymore. But you can get it at Twin Peaks."

What does he mean, 'you can't get it at your workplace anymore'? As in, at one point all women in offices wore bikini equivalents and on holidays dressed up like whores?

I think I would rather spend my money on the boxset of the series Twin Peaks and cook food at home than go get wings at the chain, but then again, I don't really have a choice. Twin Peaks the restaurant is only available in...Texas.

Redundancy

I know that some food products have "contains nuts" on their label, but this is just too much.

Via Coldmud

The Many Faces of Betty Crocker

Betty Crocker isn't real. But that doesn't mean she didn't get her own radio show in 1924 (the first ever cooking program) and tell women, "“If you load a man’s stomach with boiled cabbage and greasy fried potatoes, can you wonder that he wants to start a fight, or go out and commit a crime?” Some things never change, even back then the boiled cabbage men ate compelled them to wreck havoc on society. Ever since then, Betty's been getting makeovers to keep her relevant. Which Betty is your favorite?

If you really want to get to know the real Betty, you can read Finding Betty Crocker Check out other food origins, like where Heinz's "57" varieties comes from, over at neatorama.

Get Calories from Plants

Please watch this interview with Mark Bittman from Cooking Up a Story. Part II is more interesting than Part I but you can watch both if you want. Bittman brings up the idea that right now the American diet is way too slanted towards meat and processed food as opposed to vegetables. This is not a new idea, but he speaks eloquently. I like his point that it's not about whether you eat a McDonald's hamburger or some gourmet hamburger, it's whether you are eating a hamburger rather than a head of broccoli. As my friend Gary can attest (having gone on a mostly hamburger diet in the month of August), if you want less of a gut, cut down the burgers and get into some plants.