Winter Dinner Sketch

I am crushing coriander seeds with the back of a Henckels hand-me-down pairing knife inside a ceramic shot glass that says Puerto Rico and drinking a glass of Chilean Sauvignon Blanc while Mstislave Ropovich plays Bach’s Cello Suite Sarabande in the background. There’s been a self-imposed lull in my cooking, so far I’ve sautéed sliced brussel sprouts in cider vinegar and added to them chestnuts toasted in maple syrup. The oven is done roasting cubes of butternut squash and a solitary parsnip, which the grocery lady mistook for a turnip. The squash I’ve pureed with a little plain yogurt and milk. I think that’s where the coriander is going but I can’t quite tell yet. I am unemployed.

Mose Allison’s “ever since the world ended” comes on. “Things that used to seem so splendid, don’t really matter today. It’s just as well the world ended, it wasn’t working any way.” Then suddenly, the player skips to Jorge Luis Borges. He recounts Zhuang Zhou: A man dreamt that he was a butterfly and upon waking up, he didn’t know whether he was a man dreaming of a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he was a man.

Unhappily, the future is made of tricks, Borges continues. I think about the past. Now Cheikh Lo sounds through the Carvin. I fire up the broiler and smear two fillets of flounder with lemon zest and mustard oil. I season two fat scallops with sea salt and fresh pepper. I light a flame under my mini cast-iron, wait for it to heat up, and then throw diced shallots on to sauté. The scallops will go on barely two minutes a side and the flounder will take four minutes in the broiler. Cheikh Lo burns Bambay Gueej. I do not burn the scallops.

Piling a mound of brussel sprouts on one plate and coating another with a swatch of curried butternut puree, I feel relaxed. The flounder, just beginning to flake, slides on top of the shredded greens, parsley and Dijon echoing the sprouts. I place a scallop in the eye of the butternut and radiate parsnips from the center.

I try not to get discouraged about winter. The roasted parsnips are a delight, their rootedness like aftershave, masculine but sweet. The lemon and mustard glaze brings the flounder out, daring the unassuming fish to feign grandeur. Bonnie “Prince” Billy sings ‘I see a darkness’. And I can’t help but feel the meal is confused. Every element of dinner is wonderful, but the seared scallop is feeling out of place in the curried butternut yogurt. The brussel sprouts want boar roasted in the Black Forest. Still I am content. I’m not disillusioned but I’m getting there.

HOT PETA and the Banned Superbowl Commercial

Check out this pro-veggie commercial from PETA that was supposed to shown during the Superbowl.


'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

Unfortunately, NBC has banned the commercial because it "depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards." Specifically, they took issue with:

• licking pumpkin


• touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli


• pumpkin from behind between legs


• rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin


• screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)


• asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina


• licking eggplant


• rubbing asparagus on breast

These are serious concerns. Who knew that PETA was a such a perverse anti-animal abuse organization? I guess they are following the old maxim, sex sells. But what are they selling exactly? Vegetarianism? I don't see this commercial as a convincing argument for denouncing meat. But PETA is still pushing it here.

Another big campaign for PETA is trying to get Michael Vick to get an MRI brain-scan in order to look for evidence of clinical psychopathy or anti-social personality disorder. What?!

Cadberry goes low-brow/high-brow

Cadberry is good, very good. Does this commercial make me want to eat chocolate? I don't think so. But it makes me respect Cadberry's taste and perhaps that's exactly what they want: for me to respect their taste so I will then taste their respect(tive product).

Eat Your Heart Out David Lynch

What's David Lynch's opinion of the America food staple Hooter's? I don't know, but I'd imagine that he'd despise the Hooter's rip-off, Twin Peaks. Instead of an homage to bizarre midget dreams and beloved Special Agent Dale Cooper, the chain is nothing more than a breastaurant concept, complete with ladies in skimpy plaid.

If it's your birthday, you can grab the giant fish phallus and take a picture with the busty waitresses. I think Twin Peaks owner, Randy Dewitt, describes the restaurant's appeal best, "It’s a guy’s world. You can’t get it at home; you can’t get it at your workplace anymore. But you can get it at Twin Peaks."

What does he mean, 'you can't get it at your workplace anymore'? As in, at one point all women in offices wore bikini equivalents and on holidays dressed up like whores?

I think I would rather spend my money on the boxset of the series Twin Peaks and cook food at home than go get wings at the chain, but then again, I don't really have a choice. Twin Peaks the restaurant is only available in...Texas.

Redundancy

I know that some food products have "contains nuts" on their label, but this is just too much.

Via Coldmud

The Many Faces of Betty Crocker

Betty Crocker isn't real. But that doesn't mean she didn't get her own radio show in 1924 (the first ever cooking program) and tell women, "“If you load a man’s stomach with boiled cabbage and greasy fried potatoes, can you wonder that he wants to start a fight, or go out and commit a crime?” Some things never change, even back then the boiled cabbage men ate compelled them to wreck havoc on society. Ever since then, Betty's been getting makeovers to keep her relevant. Which Betty is your favorite?

If you really want to get to know the real Betty, you can read Finding Betty Crocker Check out other food origins, like where Heinz's "57" varieties comes from, over at neatorama.

Get Calories from Plants

Please watch this interview with Mark Bittman from Cooking Up a Story. Part II is more interesting than Part I but you can watch both if you want. Bittman brings up the idea that right now the American diet is way too slanted towards meat and processed food as opposed to vegetables. This is not a new idea, but he speaks eloquently. I like his point that it's not about whether you eat a McDonald's hamburger or some gourmet hamburger, it's whether you are eating a hamburger rather than a head of broccoli. As my friend Gary can attest (having gone on a mostly hamburger diet in the month of August), if you want less of a gut, cut down the burgers and get into some plants.

Back in the Day

Check out the menu from Lincoln's second Inauguration Ball!!!

The LA Times did some archival work to figure out what's been served at the President's Inaugural dinner since the time of Washington (he ate alone).

Of note: Lincoln's first inauguration featured a food fight. A mob of 20,000 followed "man of the people" Andrew Jackson back to his reception for ice cream, cake, and lemonade and almost destroyed the White House. For the full article, click here.

(Via The Feedbag)

ChiXXX with DuXXX

Chicken, stay chicken.
This is indecent.

(Via Ads of the World)

Never Heard of It

Try looking beyond the scantily clad woman. Check out the chef's shirt. Where is the Newton Food Centre? Is it in Newton Center? I'm pretty familiar with the restaurant scene in my hometown and I've never heard of it. Oh...this is the Newton Food Centre in Newton Singapore!!! Now I understand. Apparently, it's a food emporium promoted by the Singapore Tourism Bureau for sampling Singaporean cuisine. The word is locals often criticize the Food Center for overpriced mediocre food. Here, however, it looks like they make a mean roast duck...

Chinese Food Adventures in Queens

My close friend Grant was coming up from DC this past weekend for the amazing Apliiq party Friday night at Public Assembly. He suggested that Saturday afternoon we take a trip up to Flushing, Queens and seek out the greatest Chinese food in the land. This seemed like the best idea I'd heard all year.

Back in July, The New York Times published an article on Flushings as THE mecca of diverse Chinese eats. It was complimented by a top 20 list of dishes in the area, complete with a map to navigate the territory. Grant's dream was to visit as many of these joints as possible and with yours truly as navigator, we had ourselves a regular feast. The one time we strayed off the suggested path was kind of gross (a cold fatty sesame chicken), but sticking to the approved dishes, we had an incredible meal. There were 6 of us and, splitting an order of each dish, we ended up paying about 7 dollars/person for a feast.

Our first stop was No. 1 East Restaurant, a regular sit down spot complete with green tea, lazy-susan and a group of elderly woman rolling dumplings at the back table. Luckily, we had come for the Spinach Dumplings. While it felt a little awkward waltzing in with 6 and only ordering dumplings, the first bite quickly vanquished all remorse. I don't exactly know why they were so good, but these steamed dumplings had to be some of the best I've ever tasted. The diced spinach didn't seem remarkable, but somehow, combined with the supple dumpling noodle, I couldn't have asked for anything more. The soy dipping sauce was almost unnecessary because the dumpling flavor was such noodley delight.

We dipped out of there and headed across the street to the Golden Mall, an underground food court reeking of fried exhaust, and lacking any English menus (always a good sign). There were a few options in the dungeon, but noodle soups seemed unsharable so we opted for Xi'an Small Delights and their Lianpi cold noodles, and two spicy lamb sandwiches. The proprietor also insisted we get get a warm noodle dish with lamb as well. The cold noodles came first and we were all impressed. The noodles were medium width and slightly sweet and tangy. We couldn't figure out if they were mixed with tofu or stomach though. Either way, I indulged. The lamb burgers were chock full of chili peppers and seasoned to perfection with cumin, making us speculate about Middle Eastern influences via the Silk Road. Finally the noodles with lamb came out and everyone was bowled over. The noodles were about two inches wide and chewy in a way ever so pleasing to the mouth. I can't think of any other food I've eaten with quite the same extraordinary texture. The one funny thing was that it seemed the dish consisted of only one 10 foot long noodle we had 'cut' with our chopsticks.

Next we ventured over to Zhu Ji Gao Tie, a storefront that purportedly sold the best fried dumplings in Flushing. Unfortunately they were all out of vegetarian dumplings so I couldn't try them, but the crew were pleased with the Pork and Leek ones (below: ready to go into the fryer).
Finally, being almost stuffed, we headed over to the Flushing Mall food court for some dessert. The shaved ice stall there serves a number of different sweet bean toppings. Having braved Japan's bean paste pastries, I felt little need to order one, but Elizabeth and Emily split an ice with red beans, green beans and tapioca.

And Ethan and Nicole got a crepe that was pretty to look at but unfortunately crispy.

All in all, this was a food lover's dream trip. The way to access Flushing is by car or you can take the 7 or the LIRR. Any way you slice it, it well worth the trip.

SciFi BBQ

The geniuses over at Roast My Weenie(.com) deserve some sort of award. Before they existed, people grilled hot dogs and sausages right on the BBQ. But now, you don't have to do that. You can purchase a metallic man that stands lewdly on the grill. But that's not why these guys should win a medal. After they came up with their phallic roaster, one of them (most definitely the nerdy one) decided they should have a sure-fire winner with one that looked like Cthulhu.
For those of you unfamiliar with this terrifying mythical God, please read up on your H.P. Lovecraft, one of my favorite writers of macabre science fiction. Sure it's not an exact likening and has a faint resemblance to The Punisher, but $35 for this puppy is sounding like a damn good deal right now.

Hanukah feels far away already

Wow, I can't believe how far behind I am with posts right now. Here's some Hanukah pics. The first night of Hanukah, we went over to my Uncle's house for a soiree: Latkes galore. Right when I stepped through the door I was put to work. The festival of lights always reminds me how easy it is to make potato pancakes. Why don't we make them more often?

Le Cirque: A Table in Heaven

Last night I got a chance to watch the HBO Documentary "Le Cirque", an exploration of the famous New York restaurant and its inner-machinations. The film does a great job capturing the patriarch Sirio Maccioni and the restaurant's struggles to stay relevant. Having been THE destination for the rich and famous in the 80's (from Reggan to Sinatra, Kissinger to Trump), Sirio's sons have seen the diminished glory of their father's dream in the 90's and have now come of age with the desire to push Le Cirque back to the top. However, Sirio's stubborness, especially concerning the necessity for prosciutto and melon on the menu, and required jackets even at the bar, forces his sons to bite their tongues.

What's truly incredible is the significance placed on stars from the New York Times' food critic. When Le Cirque reopens in 2006 in a new location, the Bloomberg building, Sirio literally goes days without sleeping prior to the review. When the restaurant receives only 2 stars, everyone is crushed. They fire the chef (who goes on to become Martha Stewart's personal chef) and revamp everything. A new 2008 review from Frank Bruni gives them 3 stars and they finally feel vindicated.

While I understand the importance of Frank Bruni, I think the fact the Sirio places such importance on those stars shows how much the food business has changed since the 80's. While the New York Times Food section is still terribly relevant, I think the internet has completely changed the landscape of how people choose restaurants. Certainly Michelin Stars mean something, but now so does Yelp. As much as some chefs may hate it, there is now a constant drone of bloggers reviewing dinners and these small voices have clout.

All in all the documentary was great, with gems like the Archbishop of New York blessing the restaurant and Sirio riding a bicycle in bright red pants. It was a glimpse into a family business in all its frustration but also glory.